The High Need Infant and Prolonged Crying

 People always ask "Oh, is he a good baby?" I find this offensive, because I don't believe there are bad babies. This is a curious question because if you answer no, immediately you are swarmed with advice as if your baby is the way they are simply because your are not doing something, or what you are doing; you're are not doing right.

 My child along with many others are not what you would call easy babies. I would rather call him high-need. I feel there are more babies out there like this then mothers realize. Their unique behavior is constantly at odds with what society tells us and expects of our babies.

There are 12 features of a high need baby,

1. Intense
2. Hyperactive
3. Draining
4. Feeds frequently
5. Demanding
6. Awakens frequently
7. Unsatisfied
8. Unprodictable
9. Super-Sensitive
10. Can't put baby down
11. Not a self soother
12. Separation sensitive

"High-need babies are more sensitive to their environment than other infants. They’re easily bothered and easily stimulated. They cry when the littlest things bother them. They startle easily and often awaken at the slightest noise." Child Psychologist.

 This describes Alexander to a T. He does have very happy moments, giggles, plays with his brother and sister, and explores every nook and cranny.  He requires more of me, then any of my other children has. He has broken many hearts at his refusal to let Grandmas hold him. We have entered new territory as we nurse past 1 year. 

   I want to first address # 4,6,8,10,11 and 12. What is hard is most people feel like he wouldn't be this way if we parented differently. I believe, he needs me, his emotional development and security if vastly different from the other two, but simply put there are the same needs there. Alex just requires more to satisfy the need.

  Mothers who have a high need child will smile and nod in agreement as I try to explain this. High-need children do not self-sooth. When finding themselves alone or in overwhelming situations, their anexiety spikes and they begin to cry, they have anxiety just from being alone or overwhelmed. Rather then realizing they are okay or crying themselves to sleep. The child will begin to reach hysterics, loud screaming, becomes frantic and sweaty, we have on  two occasions even had a child vomit in is crib from crying. Upon reaching the baby and soothing, the parent finds no ground has been gained but more has been lost. Separation anxiety has heightened, the baby will be extremely clingy and emotional for days following. In my experience if Alex gets to this place, even upon my picking him up and cuddling him, he will continue to cry for up to an hour and then continue to whimper in his sleep. We did this only a handful of times, I now flat out refuse to let him cry at all, I respond in a timely manner, I hold him a lot and surprisingly his clingy-ness has lessened and he rarely cries at night now.

  I know this concept is a hard one to grasp, main stream society bombards us with convenient parenting, get the child to self-sooth, self-entertain, self-teach and so forth. However, numerous recent studies are showing the dangers in crying it out. Infants need to form secure attachments.
Studies are showing how prolonged crying is effecting the developing brain.

"Dr. Bruce Perry’s research at Baylor University may explain this finding. He found when chronic stress over-stimulates an infant’s brain stem (the part of the brain that controls adrenaline release), and the portions of the brain that thrive on physical and emotional input are neglected (such as when a baby is repeatedly left to cry alone), the child will grow up with an over-active adrenaline system. Such a child will display increased aggression, impulsivity, and violence later in life because the brainstem floods the body with adrenaline and other stress hormones at inappropriate and frequent times."

                        Perry, B. (1997), “Incubated in Terror: Neurodevelopmental Factors in the Cycle of Violence,” Children in a Violent Society, Guilford Press, New York.

  Please don't read this as you should never let your child self sooth, but you shouldn't force your child to try and self-sooth when they are not developmentally ready. Babies develop so differently and there is a wide range of normal. 

 While others will argue with me and claim there have been no studies of prolonged crying of infants and there is no proof of negative outcomes, first it is unethical to conduct a study of that sort. So, yes there have been no formal studies. However, information from vast parents who practiced CIO and then evaluating their child when they are older has been done. Thanks to many new developments in the neuroscience field we are better equipped to visual see what areas of the brain are effecting during active crying, along with hormone monitoring.

Lets just talk basic instinct. Primal behavior, something ground into us. If it is normal to let babies cry it out, then why does it affect us mothers and other caregivers so strongly? Are we not per-programmed to respond?