The yelling mom.

 I never imagined myself as a screamer, or that I would ever scream at my kids. For the longest time I didn't, as they grew older and the noise got louder. I found myself talking louder to be heard, I noticed myself hollering requests from the other room. The busier I got, the busier the children have gotten, I have found myself yelling more then I care to admit. I try try try not to do it and then I do it. I feel horrible, I apologize and ask the kids to forgive me.
 From an article in the New York Times;

"To research their book “Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, and Raise Happier Kids,” the three authors, Devra Renner, Aviva Pflock and Julie Bort, commissioned a survey of 1,300 parents across the country to determine sources of parental guilt. Two-thirds of respondents named yelling — not working or spanking or missing a school event — as their biggest guilt inducer."

Clearly, I am not alone.There are other mothers out their with this horrible behavior. Yelling has become the new spanking, but is it as harmful?

 According to act against violence it is,

 "While occasional yelling is common in American families, parents who constantly yell at their children are subjecting their children to emotional abuse that researchers say can be as harmful as physical abuse. A 2001 study in the American Journal of Psychiatry involving 49 people with depersonalization disorder (a mental disorder in which a person has a feeling of detachment or estrangement from one’s self) and 26 emotionally healthy people, found that yelling and other forms of emotional abuse was a more significant predictor of mental illness than sexual and physical abuse."

  We have always known physical and sexual abuse was detrimental, but more studies are showing yelling and or harsh language can be just as detrimental. Nearly all parents yell at their children at some point, but the harsh words are unnecessary. Children who have been treated too harshly may become insecure, destructive, angry, or withdrawn. Later in life, they may have troubled relationships or put themselves at risk of harm. I guess the old "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me" isn't so true.

  I can honestly say I have never called my children names or yelled hateful phrases. Its just the way I sound and the tone I feel the whole household takes on that I  personally detest. Mostly, I hate myself when I yell, because when I play the situation back in my head my expectations of them were not developmentally appropriate. I want better for my kids then this. So, I have resolved to quit yelling or raising my voice.

 First I needed to address the triggers, what was bringing me to that point. For me, it's when I am repeating myself trying to get things done in a certain time frame and can't.
   So,  I sat my kids down and simply talked to them, telling them mommy isn't going to yell anymore. I will calmly state my request, 2nd time I will calmly get down on eye level and repeat my request firmly witch an acknowledgement of the consequence. 3rd time I a time out in their room. I have stubborn, strong-willed children and I need to work hard on not succumbing to a battle of the wills.
  I also sat my honey down and calmly explained what frustrates me the most. Together we decided that he will help out on weekends so I can either sleep in one morning or take a nap. I feel fatigue is a huge trigger, I have a baby who is teething hard and has horrible nights. 
  For myself I have vowed to take 20 minutes each night alone, in quiet to pray and end my day calmly.
Here ae some other tips that can be helpful:

1) Pause, think, breath
2) Educate yourself
3) Change your prospective
4) Take care of yourself
5) Forgive yourself and keep trying

  Making mistakes does not make you or me or anyone a bad parent. It makes you human. We all make mistakes, we can either keep making them or learn from them.