Homeschooling Part 5: Socializing II

 When a parent thinks about their child and socializing, 90% of the time we are concerned about if they will make friends. Will they be accepted? Will they be liked? All parents wish the best for the children and realize that having childhood friends is a wonderful part of growing up. If you consider your top ten best memories growing up I bet a best friend is in half of them.
  There are a couple points I would like to high light:
(1) There is no guarantee a child will get along with every child in their classroom. Many times children click with only a few children out of the many they meet, and that's okay. Quality over Quantity. People normally have many "friends" and only a few "close friends". However, on the flip side. Many children across the nation despise going to school because of the kids in their class. Either they are bullied, or left out, feeling lonely, and having lower self-esteem. Both of the above listed examples are also a form of socializing.
(2) There are plenty of children who go to public school k-12 who are isolated socially i.e. social loners.  Not everyone is Mr. or Mrs. popular. Not everyone flourishes in group settings. Basically, there are many children who DO attend public school for 12 years and are not socially graceful. There are plenty of children who attend public school who are not liked or likeable for many reasons. Thus, disproving the idea that a child needs to be socialized in a classroom to become adequately socially developed.
(3) When desiring your child to be likeable, what qualities are you considering likable? I ask that you consider this, because often socially undesirable behaviors are often strongly reinforced among peer groups in the 10-14 year age range. Often crazy mistakes are made in the attempt to be cool, accepted, and respected. What happens when the behavior traits we (the parents) desire are not considered cool or acceptable by the peers our child spends 40+ hours a week with?

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. Social Norms are, the rules that a group uses for appropriate and inappropriate values, beliefs, attitudes and behaviors. These rules may be explicit or implicit. Failure to stick to the rules can result in severe punishments, the most feared of which is exclusion from the group. A common rule is that the some norms must frequently be displayed; neutrality is seldom an option.

Other norms include:

• Injunctive Norms are behaviors which are perceived as being approved of by other people.
• Descriptive Norms are perceptions of how other people are actually behaving, whether or not these are approved of.
• Explicit Norms are written or spoken openly.
• Implicit Norms are not openly stated (but you find out when you transgress them).
• Subjective Norms: Expectations that valued others have about how we will behave.
• Personal Norms: Standards we have about our own actions.

Norms are often transmitted by non-verbal behavior, for example with 'dirty looks' when people act outside the norms. They may also be transmitted through stories, rituals and role-model behavior.    

   Many social norms are recognized and accepted in one's own behavior, and are not solely develop in the classroom. We will spend time with other kids their same age, kids of different ages, kids with special needs, adults and the elderly. We will converse, dine and interact in many different settings and situations. I am fully confident my kids will understand and use many of the social norms, but by not being strongly influenced by peers 40+ hours a week, I hope they will hold strongly to traits their father and I feel are important.

    Social appropriate behavior are the social norms that a group of people have agreed upon.In short, my children will understand the social norms of our society and exhibit behavior that is conducive to making friends and not unacceptable.